Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
