eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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