I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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