I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The feeling are messing with the penis
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
