Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
