fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
