if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
