Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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