Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
