Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
