I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
