Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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