my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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