I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
