Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
