I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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