maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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