I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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