You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
