Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
