get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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