White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
