Quick, to the slutcave!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
