After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
