its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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