Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize