A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All the doctor said was why
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
