Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
