We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
