Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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