Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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