whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Shame - the story of my life.
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