Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
