Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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