So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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