you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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