my mouth tastes like poor choices
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
