you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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