its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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