I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
