Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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