i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
