hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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