that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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