eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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