You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
