Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
