do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
