it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
