So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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