eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
