dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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