my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
