Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
