I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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