I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish I only lived at night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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