so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
