Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
