dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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