so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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