there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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