About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
