you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
worst night to have a conscience
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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