moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
