it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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