I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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