I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
