Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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