no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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