Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
