Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
