Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
