i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
