I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
