i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
