my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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