i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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